How to use... taschnab

1. Before you leave your house, use the bathroom! Statistics say that 95,1 % of Afghan households do not have sanitary installations.

 

2. The further you're away from running water, the pinker the toilet paper gets. The scala ends at purple sandpaper or: no paper at all.

 

3. If you have a long drive ahead of you, pass on drinks in the morning (gravelroads! no toilets!). If you stayed overnight as a guest, you will have to drink one cup of tea. Everything else would be extremly impolite. If possible, choose black tea. That way it's easier to refuse the econd, third and fourth cup.

 

4. On the road ruins are a good substitute for toilets (only in mine-cleared areas). Another option are unfinished aid projects, which were supposed to end up as schools, but somehow had no money left after toilets were build.

 

5. In the face of Afghanistan's cultural background it's rather complicated to urinate outside. Therefore it should be avoided whenever possible.

 

6. Especially for women.

 

7. If urinating outside is unavoidable, dont mistrust your driver when he offers to accompany you and wait halfway, to fight off curious children. He knows what he's talking about.

 

8. At night, beware of wild dogs. They bite halfnaked people, too.

 

9. If you use public toilets, dont trust the concept of a locked door. Instead, stay in front of the outhouse and start coughing. If no one coughs back, the toilet is free.

 

10. If a french squatter is build of clay, no worries. Just dont rely too much on your predecessors' aiming skills.

 

11. If a french squatter is tiled, take off your shoes and use the plastic slippers in front of the door. The floor is wet. Ideally, take your socks off, too. The plastic slippers are also wet.

 

12. No matter what people tell you: Never use the toilets of the police headquarter in Kunduz. Never.

 

I would like to thank my brother who gave me this as a farewell gift. I hope, I'll never need it.